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September 12, 2014


I remember the day mama Sykik found a love letter in my closet.

Back in the days, love letters where the “ish”, it was the means through which boys wooed babes. I  have mentioned in some earlier posts that I was a late bloomer so I didn’t get boys paying attention to me till my undergrad years........there was the random boy, here and there but Mama Sykik played her “breathing down my back” role so well and co-opted my brothers into saving their sister’s purity till marriage.

There was this boy who had taken a big brother/boyfriend role over me in school, come to think of it he never toasted me sha. The boy had to change schools in our second year and so we were separated and there were no GSM phones then. It was a tough time for me, I felt lost and so when I got a letter from this bobo (he sent it through a student who had visited his school). I read the letter every day and mumuishly took the letter with me home during the holidays....somehow Mama Sykik poke nosed through my stuff and read the letter, this was a letter I kept well folded inside my bible (I had to keep the letter holy abi nau). Mama Sykik doesn’t understand that there is anything called boundaries or personal space. After this incident, I learnt the trick of Eneke the bird that “since men have learned to shoot without missing, he has learned to fly without perching." I learnt to keep my privacy from her prying eyes.

I got home from my Mum’s store that day and met Mama Sykik at the door, brandishing my love letter (she doesn’t waste time attacking) immediately I saw the letter, I died and travelled to was easier facing God than Mama Sykik, I swear. She was gangster like that.....all I heard again was

Mama Sykik: Sykik am I not talking to you
Sykik: Ma, what did you say (My heart was skipping and I still couldn’t make sense of what she was saying)
Mama Sykik: are you listening to me at all, since you are deaf, let me explain myself better

Mama Sykik delivered one of those her “abara” slap, “abara”- is a back slap that brings you out of a coma. It works; ask any Nigerian Yoruba girl who grew up in the 80s and 90s. That “abara” brought me back from my coma and I can’t remember what my explanation was, but I must have confessed to sins committed and uncommitted. I was made to promise to break up with this bobo and cease all form of communication. After the beating and threats of that day, I am sure I never spoke to any man except my brothers for weeks.

How do you break up with someone who never toasted you sef? I told bobo about the incident and we just remained discreet until Mama Sykik caught us again and this time around she drafted Papa Sykik to cast the “spell of boyfriend” from my life.

I love Mama Sykik and  wouldn’t trade her for anything, though back in the days I had no “relationship” with her because I felt her parenting methods were cruel but I won’t be half of  who I am today without that strict grooming. Papa Sykik blended her parenting skills with his modern methods which she felt was “ajebutterish” but see me today, I turned out right even if I have to say so myself.

Will I trade my growing up years  for anything......NO......will I train my child(ren) same way......not really......but I am certainly going to do some “abara” giving or how else will they know I am a Yoruba God loves a cheerful giver :) 

September 08, 2014


Young and without any care in the world, fresh out of school with a good paying job, cap that with a beautiful face and figure what more can a girl ask for? Hmmmmm.....she felt on top of the world.
Wow, she’s still a virgin at 36years and no boyfriend. She’s feeling old and grey; where did the years go......wait a second...where are the guys?

There’s a front desk officer in my office, her name is Sisi, and she got married less than a year ago. Her fairy tale wedding was the talk of the office and the so many “ohs” “ahs” no let person hear word for a while. It was rumoured she had landed a “big boy”, a-la- Abuja contractor.  In Nigerian parlance, a contractor is someone who doesn’t have a regular pay job and lobbies for government contracts. Depending on his connections, he might be getting the contracts in droves or trickles; he might also be a front for the “bigger boys”

Fast forward to some months after the “city people” wedding, the crack in the marriage is so wide that it has turned to office gossip. It is been peddled that Sisi paid for the wedding expenses, paid the house rent and also general upkeep of the house, the man rides her car (this car was bought by a sugar daddy according to the story tellers).   According to the association of office mongers (Sykik is not a member oh, though I somehow find myself in the gathering by default....hehehe.....I need to keep abreast of events around me and don’t worry, I cover my ears with the blood of Jesus before and after the tales) ,  the man hasn’t landed a contract in the God knows how long,  so his finances have dwindled and Sisi is tired of the charade and has asked him to pack out of her house, after all she paid the rent and he’s using her money to “carry babes” and flenjour all over town to keep up with his big boy status.... apparently the man has been chopping life at her expense.

The matter reached its peak when the man had to send emissaries to come and plead with Sisi in the office. Sisi no gree oh, she just downloaded all her expenses since she got married and asked them to give it to the man and also get him to repay her for feeding, his  monthly upkeep and accommodation for the last few months ( I was told the expenses included the car maintenance and fuel).......

Now, back to Miss-tall-and-graceful, yes, you are 36years old and still single, last time I checked marriage doesn’t give an automatic gate pass to heaven. The bible doesn’t list being single as a sin......... yeah, it definitely feels lonely and cold (at times), but the good news is, it doesn’t feel that way all the time. Enjoy the free time now while you can, you think you have spent too much free time already, let me tell you something, a lifetime of being married is truly a’s more than being called MRS, drop the desperation because the loneliness you are experiencing now is not because you are unmarried, it’s because you decided to host a pity-party everyday 247..yea....I would rather you make the right choice than make a desperate choice.

I am not qualified to give advice because I got married early so I probably don’t know how you feel but trust me, I know how it feels to want something so badly that every cell in your body aches and quakes, I know what it feels like to want to yell at God and say “Are you sure, you are God, do you thrive in my pain”.......however, I also know that there are days when you read stories like Sisi’s story and  you say “Dear God, did I call you names last week, I am so sorry, it was  that time of the month” oh, God knows about PMS, he knows about mood swings and he sure has a sense of humour too.

Don’t know if this post makes sense but, this is just another finger-is-itching-me-to-type ish!!!

August 29, 2014


I have to apologise for staying away, there’s been so much happening. I will fill you in soon. How una dey? What’s popping?  The fear of ebola is the beginning of wisdom shey?........short of using sanitizer to clean food before we eat now.

I hope God doesn’t keep a church attendance register because I have marked absent more than present so far this year in church.  My church attendance needs a revamp......maybe I need to change parish or look for another church...any ideas? I presently attend Redeemed Christian Church of God.

The year 2014 is winding down small small, I need to go look at my 2014 to-do-list....there’s still so much to achieve....above all, my career change is dragging so long. I need liver to drop my resignation so I can move on.......God help me

I am contemplating texturising my natural hair , I have some hair styles I want to try out and I don’t want to wear a wig or install a weave......I am so confused on this ...some days I am a proud #teamnatural and some days , this natural hair can be a pain in the a*s....

Abeg, let me ask oh, which do you prefer a male help or female help. I had to stay home for some days recuperating and I noticed that my neighbour’s female help had male company daily.... Infact, I won’t be surprised if she’s doing “short time” during the day sef......As a good neighbour, am I supposed to tell her or keep quiet. But the girl greets me very well oh...

I remember the first time I heard my 20 year old brother was sexually active..kai, it was as though someone poured me ice water...sexually kini, Mama Sykik was convinced he was raped, seduced or anything but accepting the truth. Mama Sykik was in denial, she couldn’t fathom that her baby was doing the ‘do’, if you see as she warn the girl abi na woman sef (the lady is older than my brother and looks streetwise). I told her to open her eyes and better talk sex education with the boy if she and Papa Sykik never did ..better late than never.........because before they know it they will be grandparents or treating one disease or the other. I told her she better go learn how they talk sex education these days and not the “don’t let any man touch you story” she gave me back in the days.....children of these days don open eye.

Let me end with this song
He loves me I cannot say why
He loves me I cannot say why
On Calvary tree, He suffered for me
He loves me I cannot say why

-Author unknown.

I don’t think a post can be more random as this.

August 01, 2014


There’s this new craze for dieting among women, in my office, it’s a competition of who has the correct figure 8. I innocently hugged a female colleague some weeks ago, felt like she was in a strait jacket...don’t ask me how I know what a strait jacket feels like....her body felt like she was wearing iron cast round her body, she was so stiff, I couldn’t feel her skin...I guess that must have been body magic or body shapper......kai.......I quickly de-hugged her because I didn’t want to break my aint easy to be a woman. The desire to be seen as physically perfect has led to a lot of temporal or permanent body enhancements.

I am suspecting one babe in this my office oh, her name is Ekaette. Her ikebe looks too good to be true,the way her ikebe is positioned ehn, except she’s wearing bum pad it can’t be possible for ikebe to be that well rounded and be rotating the way it does........kilode....did God just concentrate on her ikebe alone during creation ni? That ikebe commands attention; you just can’t help but have your eyes follow the ikebe everywhere it goes. It’s a reflex action.  I don’t envy the men in my office at all, having to deal with this lady everyday is not a small something and that ikebe is a temptation you can’t help but fall for..... a case of the “the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak”. Any day, I chop liver; I will ask her if I can touch the ikebe.....for my sanity I need to know if it’s real and how it feels like. Do you think it will be soft? I am thinking it must be silicon or bum pad....... don’t judge me, yes I am jealous small........hahahaha

Chai...there’s God oh...I “haff” spoil finish.......hahaha.......see Sykik fantasizing about another woman’s ikebe..........I cover my eyes with the blood of Jesus...I cover my mind with the blood of Jesus. I bind and cast my eyes from following Ekaette’s ikebe again in Jesus name, Father, you said in your word that we should ask so we can receive,  Father God , please give me my own ikebe..... Amen.......

I really need to ask God why he didn’t deem it fit to give me ikebe, what I presently have cannot be called is as flat as a frying can’t tempt a blind man sef.... :)