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December 01, 2014

FATHER CHRISTMAS



Did I mention that I am now an Aunty, yes oh...my brother’s wife had a bouncing baby boy some months back and this is the beginning of a new generation in my family. Papa Sykik and Mama Sykik are first time grannies and their excitement can’t be contained. The baby is so cute..... God forgive me, I wish babies don’t grow up... the cuddly, chubby, sweet looking face...they look so innocent, I feel like “sin” beside any baby.

Anytime I buy gifts for anyone I make sure I buy something I love and won’t mind using....I have often times “kolobied” gifts I bought for people because my longer throat won’t let go of the item. I then go buy something else.....Sykik is a nut case. Who does something like that? I plead guilty, some items are simply irresistible.

Who ever made it compulsory that rice (in whatever form, jollof, fried or white rice) and chicken are the official Christmas meal? I am so looking forward to eating firewood jollof rice this Christmas; I think Christmas rice tastes differently.  Can anyone remember visiting Father Christmas, going to amusement park, shopping for Christmas cloth inside Lagos market? Kai, I don old finish oh. Back in the days, we use to go from LTV8, NTA channel7, channel 10, channel5 e.t.c for Father Christmas. Wait for this, I was the cry baby of the house.....Father Christmas scared the shit out of me...I would, scream, scratch, claw and everything because I just didn’t want to be left alone with the Father Christmas...if Mama Sykik say make I no enter the Father Christmas grotto, na wahala be that, because I wanted the gifts without having to see the scary Father Christmas....it was always a battle, but someway somehow....I survived each year and came out with my gifts....hahaaha.... I scare easily till date, forget all this my mouth.  

Christmas was a season of gifts, Papa Sykik and Mama Sykik knows how to give gifts oh, my brothers and I got lots of gifts each year. I couldn’t wait for Christmas to come then, but I don’t know why my parents refuse to give gifts again now that I am older and married...after all I am still their child nau....abi do people outgrow Christmas gift and Christmas cloth ni? Maybe I should sue them, for reneging on their parental duties. Abi, they think have handed over to Hubby ni, I no gree, Hubby is husband, Papa and Mama Sykik are my parents...I will start protesting from today.

Dear Santa,

2014 is gradually wrapping up. It has been an eventful year and I can’t begin to count my blessings.

I have tried to stay cool, kind, calm and good this year. I have played by the rules and even stopped applying the “an eye for an eye” rule. I tried not to allow the “evening go down on my anger” and also had a kind word for my mean colleagues. Above all, I reduced my chocolate intake and now play #teamwater....... it was a tough call, but I remained faithful to the cause. I also shopped less, so I got to save more.

I know I will have the best Christmas this year if you will be kind enough to reward me for being a good girl.  I am all grown up but I still believe you exist; I am not like some people (side eyes to Toinlicious, and Simply mee) who don’t believe you exist.  Kindly prove to them that you do make dreams come true. I know you come in through the chimney (we don’t have chimney in Nigeria sha)...... I will leave the kitchen window open so you can still sneak in and drop my gift.  It won’t be a bad idea if you came calling with a gift bearing “Sykik, darling. You have played fair, you have stayed true and though I saw you act like an asshole some few times, you deserve a memorable Christmas this 2014” :) 

PS:
During my days, na Father Christmas we know oh

#Ajepako......Father Christmas
#Ajebutter........Santa Claus

November 04, 2014

DRY GIST



Back to my last week post, let me gist you what I heard jare, I can’t keep it to myself because it won’t be nice to be hoarding gist.......it’s not a good something to be a gist miser. I was jejely minding my business in the rest room, trying to do number 2 when I heard ladies as usual discussing about how one very big “oga at the top” in the office is the one oiling one devoted Muslim sister’s engine. This sister is like an Alhaja oh, she covers head, covers body, and her clothes ehn....the skirt touches ground, the blouses covers her fingers. She doesn’t allow anything to show at all, at all......in fact the guys complain that she has ensured that no one, whether man or woman can lust after her. She is often used as example of how a religious person should be, she doesn’t miss her prayers, always with her praying rosary and very polite. I am sure some Christian sisters are envying her comportment sef.

As I hear her name for rest room, I thought I was hallucinating; it must be a lie, Alhaja gist for restroom ke, that must be bad belle people at work........... I quickly comported myself to finish hearing the story on your behalf *grinning*

Female 1: Do you know who I saw yesterday at ******* hotel

Female 2: who?

Female 1: Alhaja and she was with our “Oga at the top”

Female 2: she was with, abi she went for a meeting with....?

Female 1: which went for a meeting....the way I take see them, it wasn’t a meeting oh

Female1: this confirms the suspicion I had 2 weeks ago that Oga is the one greasing Alhaja......to imagine that this babe has been forming holy, holy pass Jesus Christ. Did you notice how she responded to Oga’s question on her monthly performance during MPR meeting? She told him he was embarrassing her, hissed and then walked out of the meeting while muttering under her breath that she was sure he doesn’t want his wife knowing what and where he goes after office hours. The meeting hall went quiet as though everyone was in a trance, Oga just continued with the meeting as though nothing happened and I almost doubted what I heard. I decided to put my detective cap to use and.......... voila, na so I jam dem for that hotel oh

Female 2: abeg, I am always weary of any babe that carries Jesus or Allah on top head like gala seller oh, na them do coded runs pass...wait oh, hope them no see you? Abi you wan take your appraisial do kite?

My peeps, na this point, my phone ring oh....gosh, I didn’t realise I had been holding my breath and poo all this while just to finish hearing hot gist ....I wish I heard the concluding part of the story sha

Will you believe I heard two ladies conversing in French excitedly while in the rest room, I would give up my lunch to understand what they were gossiping about......by the way, when did my company start recruiting French speaking nationals.... I know they were gossiping abi what else will 2 females be doing in the rest room aside number 1 and 2. All weapons fashioned against me not to hear toilet gist ehn, I bind and cast into the fiery furnace. 



It be like say this gist is dry sef....as the story no complete

 

October 31, 2014

October 2014 haff finish



I don’t think I have ever heard or walked into a group of women discussing politics, the political terrain, political parties, the price of crude oil, crude oil theft in the Niger Delta, the power of incumbency, world politics e.t.c....... all I have heard are women

·         in my office restroom discussing diapers, baby developments, brazilian/peruvian hair, make-up, shoes, clothes, bags, vacation among other “womanly” gist
·         in my home church discussing how to be a better wife, the power of a praying woman, training Godly children, housekeeping issues et.c.

Is this a case of “wetin concern agbero with overload” or a case of Sister Sykik is vain, I need to start carrying these legs to where intellectual discourse is taking place and stop wakaing  to where aproko gist is taking place. 

I am not a lost case sha, I engage in intellectual discourse when I find myself among men, in fact, the men on my floor in the office discuss football so much I had to start following premiership league because I started feeling “one kain” when they mention Ronaldo, Messi, Benzema, Drogba and others.....I had to up my knowledge of European football and quickly registered myself under Chelsea fan club( this is Hubby’s club and it’s better to support where my bread is being buttered).

The guys also discuss Nigerian politics, and it’s a battle of which party is better – APC or PDP, when they start arguing like this, I step back listen and then also put my mouth to fuel the discussion...now I know all about caucus meetings, why Amaechi is angry, that it is an open secret that President Jonathan is coming back, that APC means Asiwaju Personal Company ati be-be-lo.....thanks to them I am politically vast and won’t look lost when anyone mentions any political jargon, I have idea and last time I checked "idea is need" .........I dey kampe, you can try and ask me when elections are taking place in Nigeria , in case you don’t know it’s year 2015 oh and I know that there will be elections on Valentine’s day sef........hehehe......don’t try me oh, Sister Sykik, wetin bring Valentine’s day into this election matter discussion....*bbm rolling eyes*

What is the essence of this post sef, even me doesn’t know oh.....wetin “konsine” una with my knowledge of politics, I don’t know, why am I subjecting you to reading this post, I don’t know, maybe I am trying to re affirm to myself that I am not so vain after all............I just stumbled into another toilet gist in the women’s rest room...... do you want to hear what I heard........ say “Yay” in the comment section, just maybe the "yays" will have it...........however, truth be told, it’s easier to do aproko than task the brain about what is GDP and how it affects the price of garri in mile 12 market.

Have a blissful weekend sweethearts......I love you more than agege bread and ewa aganyin