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July 31, 2013

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT



That awkward moment at work
……………your boss tells you he’s hopelessly in love with you
...............you are told to close your gaping mouth
...............you know you need to run for your life
and you begin to recite your favourite Psalm

July 23, 2013

BACK IN THE DAYS- THE CONCLUDING STORY

This is the concluding story to back-in-days


I knew I was “dead”, I just kept asking God why he allowed me carry my two “tontinrin” legs enter Kayode’s room that morning. I sighed and activated #school life mode, abi wetin I for do. Kayode tried apologising but I told him it wasn’t his fault after all nobody knew my mum was going to show up that morning……I  was anxious for the drama to end, I knew my parents were going to show up in my hostel the next day…..my mum doesn’t waste time like that...
The next day…Dad and Mum were back as expected. I didn’t know what my mum had told my Dad but I knew the summary was “Sykik, slept in a man’s room”. I was ready to face the jury …my Mum started talking and truth be told I just blanked out because I couldn’t wait for the verdict to be delivered.
Finally, Dad asked Mum to leave the room so he can talk to me one-on-one. Na so I just went on my knees oh…..*Nkemji style* I started crying, *catarrh join tears things*please don’t kill me…”I didn’t sleep in a man’s room oh”…… “I don’t talk to any man except my classmates and we only talk about school”……….. I am sure I must have said I was using sign language to talk to any man after class sef….my dad just sat there with this glint in his eyes. Then Dad goes, “Sykik, calm down…tell me what happened”…so I told him the story…how I was going to have my bath, my neighbour called out, I went into his room, we talked for some few minutes and I was heading out of his room when Mum came..…he looked amused.
My Dad goes” Sykik, don’t worry, I know your Mum and I know you”…you are my daughter and I know what you can and can’t do, but, shebi you know your mum is a drama queen, so let us indulge her…lets keep talking for about an hour then I will call her in…otherwise she won’t let me rest with her fears …my People, na so Sykik and Papa Sykik start to gist about school life ,my classmates, growing up, boys, etc…in my mind, I was like “Dad, you are cool like this oh”…..he said he trusts me to make the best decision at all times and that I am all grown up now and there comes a time in life when my parents can’t be my shadow…..that I have been tutored in the ways of the Lord to know right from wrong …my Dad went on and on……...and truly that day I knew I wanted to make my parents proud and live up to their expectation.
After about two hours, Dad calls Mama Sykik back into the room and tells her that he has pulled my ears well-well and that I should be grateful he didn’t kill me today and when next I try that “rubbish” he will withdraw me from school and enrol me for training at a hairdressing salon…..I almost chuckled when I heard hairdressing…….head bowed, I just kept nodding my head. Mama Sykik was glad that I had been subdued before they left, I made sure we drew up a visiting roaster …yes oh…to avoid “stories that touch” ……did Mama Sykik keep to the roaster?….NO… ….did she ever catch me in any uncompromising situations again?…..NO….Sykik wised–up ..….

July 17, 2013

BACK IN THE DAYS


I think I have writers block…..see me forming like I am a writer. My  blog has been my diary…I used to keep a diary up until I got married and I wrote “codedly” because my mum doesn’t understand privacy… knowing her, she will read the diary if she ever lays her hands on it and God help me that day as I don enter “one chance” be that . As in, if she reads it, there will be fire and brimstone just like it happened to Sodom and Gomorrah…..she may even faint sef…… not because what I wrote is  incriminating for a young lady but because my mum is a drama queen…yes she is one….growing up, the fear of my mum was enough to make me not indulge in any vice…. My mum’s sex talk to me was something like this “talk to a man and you get pregnant”, “if you get pregnant your dad will kill you”….then my dad will go “if I kill you, there’s no policeman that will arrest me for killing my child”…my parents though confirmed Christians where gangsters like that…..lmao…… I love my parents…..won’t trade them in for anything.
During my undergrad years, I resided off campus, it was a mixed hostel, my mum made sure I shared a room with another female student( she was about 10 yrs older than me). My mum had this weird belief that this lady would play a sisterly role by watching over me for her. My next door neighbours were male students in the next room and one of them was my course mate.
I woke up this fateful morning and got ready to take my bath and head out to school. I had on a towelling robe and stepped out of my room, my neighbour and course mate Kayode called out to me, na so I carry myself enter the boy’s room and gist before going to the bathroom. ……remember I was headed for the bathroom in the first place…after the about 5 minutes gist, I stepped out of the room….. lo and behold the Spirit of the Lord ministered to  me to look in front of me, I looked and who do I see..MAMA SYKIK…kai…see “gobe” I knew I had entered “pepper”…my Mum being the drama queen started hyperventilating , she lost her voice and could only muster a scream *hands on her head*….then she goes “Sykik has killed me”, “Sykik, you mean you slept in a man’s room”…I just kept staring at her like “what the f*ck is this woman doing so early in my hostel”, “what time did she leave Lagos to have reached this town so early”, …I just kept staring and my mind kept replaying the scene the way Mama Sykik must have seen it…..
At this point, other students came out and my room mate was like “mummy, its not like that oh”…”see her bathing water here sef”…..she was going to take her bath”…bla bla bla….everyone in the hostel was trying to chip in a word to confirm that Sykik was still virgin Mary ..… before I could put my thoughts into words and open my mouth……Mama Sykik don reach car park en-route Lagos to tell Papa Sykik…in those days there was no GSM phones so she had to go back to Lagos and tell Papa Sykik what her eyes saw.
PS: I will write the concluding story very soon…….. my darling toinlicious, please carry your “akpoti” and mount tollgate here for me biko……..we will share proceeds 50-50…..
PSS: love you all…..as per paranoia, thanks for the hugs and words of encouragement. You all will join and name Baby Sykik when it finally happens
PSS: how come I don’t have a male reader…is it because I gist only woman gist?

July 15, 2013

PARANOIA



Adoption versus IVF
My emotions are swinging like a pendulum
Give the IVF money to God as a faith seed versus hold God to ransom with “if–you-do-this”, “I-will-do-that“line
Forty looks so close, walahi…...Dear God, today, this very minute, please, I don’t want to be part of those women who give birth in their fifties…..don’t think I can wait that long…….
Am I being paranoid that my mother-in-law has a tiny bit of “but” about me?
I know I am not making any effort to go beyond the mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law relationship *bbm guilty face*
Sometimes I am scared shi*t about my marriage, I almost want to tuck my tail in between my legs and run
Nothing is wrong…absolutely nothing…...the truth is things are so good at home I shouldn’t be feeling like this
But, I still feel like crawling into a hole and getting away from everything
Phew…..I am truly Sykik  :)