Praise, Praise,
praise the Lord…..somebody shout Halleluyah.
First and foremost,
I want to thank God for the salvation of my soul……my testimony goes like this……
Last week, I read
on singlenaijamum about her being rewarded for friending a blogger. She got
gorgeous gifts in a goodie bag, I have made up my mind to befriend this blogger to get my share . After reading the post, I commented that “I need to mend my ways……..so I can be getting surprise gifts like her”.
That’s how the Holy
Spirit descended on me like on the day of Pentecost, I come and go to unyimeivy,
then I come and see her birthday post , so my spirit come and tell me to drop a
comment.. ….my brothers and sisters in the Lord……..help me shout halleluyah oh…that
is how Unyiwe come and ask me for my e-mail address, so I come and send it to
her…….. Praise , Praise, praise the Lord, that is how I opened my mailbox then I
come and see that she sent me her book “Burning Hurt”.
I am now a proud
owner of a book.
I am here to testify
that friending works; I am still expecting another book courtesy another
blogger, shebi you know yaself
I know my testimony
is permanent in Jesus Name…… Amen……
vs
35:That day when evening came, he said
to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side."
vs
36:Leaving the crowd behind, they took
him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him.
vs
37:A furious squall came up, and the
waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped.
vs
38:Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on
a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you
care if we drown?"
vs
39:He got up, rebuked the wind and said
to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was
completely calm.
vs
40: He said to his disciples, "Why
are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
The waves beat
badly against the boat and the water started filling the boat. The disciples
were scared and all they could see was a sinking boat.
Scenario 1
They were so
overtaken with fear, they forgot in those few minutes that Jesus was with them.
All they saw was the sinking boat and the realisation that they were drowning. Immediately they remembered he was in the same
boat with them and “to add salt to injury” he was asleep, I can only
imagine the speed with which they must have woken him up, like “hello”, “excuse
us” ,“Bros, who sleeps in a boat that is been tossed back and forth on a
turbulent sea”…… "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
Scenario2
They were forming “Messrs
Calm” with the assurance that since the Jesus was in the same boat with them, “no
shaking”, “nothing go happen”. Now, imagine their shock when the boat started
filling with water and Jesus was still sleeping. Panic mode must have set in and
I am guessing they woke him up with their screaming, fearful and quaking voices
"Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
In my post one-of-those-days, I gave in to my fears just as the disciples did and like the loving
Father, friend, companion that he is, he rebuked the wind, and said to the sea “peace
be still”………..a great calm ensued and the wind ceased.
Why am I so fearful?…he’s
God, he’s the one who says he will perfect that which concerns me…….
2 Corinth 12:9 “And
he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made
perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my
infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Eccl 3:11a “He hath
made every thing beautiful in his time”
I am much better now and have shaken off the "beast". Thank you to everyone for caring, I surely can’t begin to describe how loved I feel.
I don’t know if I
should be glad am not treating any major/minor ailment regarding my TTC or be frustrated
that despite several medical tests , fertility boosting medication, charting,
reproductive assisted techniques its been all futile. I have prayed, fasted,
praised and attended several church services. I don tire…..,
I don’t want to
give up but at times, it’s really difficult not to feel like shouting at God.
If it was in the hands of my earthly father, he would have given me a truckload
of children, male and female. *I go don dey beg say it has do sef*
Matthew 7:11 “If ye
then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more
shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”
It started at the
check-in counter…mothers with their babies, fathers with their children, my
heart broke, like literally broke into a million pieces…it was just me and
Hubby, no baby pusher, no children …I felt totally empty. I packed my broken
heart, cuddled Hubby throughout the flight and muttered prayers intermittently as
we made the long journey. Infact, at a point during the flight I asked him if
we could adopt a child, so we won’t have to travel “solo” again….. (that’s
selfish of me abi, wantinga child to
travel with)
I enjoyed the
holiday, except for times when I had to shop for friends with new born babies.
I kept asking God when will I shop for my kids, when will Hubby push a buggy in
a store. It’s all good, I tell myself.My time is coming.
Habakkuk 2:3b“…….though
it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.”
Then Auntie Flow
came during the holidays rubbing in the fact that 2012 is gone and it has being
twelve months of Little-Red-Riding-Hood visiting even though she’s not welcome.
Fast forward……Holiday
over…….. and I had to spend the return leg of my flight with a family of 6 on
the same row. The family had 4 kids, (boys and girls), walahi, I don’t know why
the devil decided to tempt me so or show me my emptiness? I stared at the kids
throughout the flight to the extent that they knew I was staring. I just couldn’t
take my eyes off them. It dawned on me why some people steal babies, I almost asked
the father to dash me one of his children. How can one person have 4 children
and here I am asking for 1 child? This life is surely not fair. I was hurting
during that trip so much I could only ask God for grace to start the New Year
believing him for my own miracle. At immigration, I almost buckled under the
hurt. I had to tell myself to chin up….it’s just the beginning of the year and
God has just started with me.
Hubby has been so
supportive through these years. He has never ruffled my nest regarding our TTC,
he’s being my pillar. I wish it was in my hands, to give life, to cause
conception to occur, to carry to term and bring forth. I know he would glow brighter when we finally
bring forth our own children. I desire to give him his own child, his own flesh
and blood.
I shouldn’t even
start thinking of the fact that my body is aging….. there’s so much a girl can
take……… hmmmm…..It is well.
