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January 14, 2013

ONE OF THOSE DAYS


Life is full of ironies.
I don’t know if I should be glad am not treating any major/minor ailment regarding my TTC or be frustrated that despite several medical tests , fertility boosting medication, charting, reproductive assisted techniques its been all futile. I have prayed, fasted, praised and attended several church services. I don tire…..,
I don’t want to give up but at times, it’s really difficult not to feel like shouting at God. If it was in the hands of my earthly father, he would have given me a truckload of children, male and female. *I go don dey beg say it has do sef*
Matthew 7:11 “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?”
It started at the check-in counter…mothers with their babies, fathers with their children, my heart broke, like literally broke into a million pieces…it was just me and Hubby, no baby pusher, no children …I felt totally empty. I packed my broken heart, cuddled Hubby throughout the flight and muttered prayers intermittently as we made the long journey. Infact, at a point during the flight I asked him if we could adopt a child, so we won’t have to travel “solo” again….. (that’s selfish of me abi, wanting  a child to travel with)
I enjoyed the holiday, except for times when I had to shop for friends with new born babies. I kept asking God when will I shop for my kids, when will Hubby push a buggy in a store. It’s all good, I tell myself.  My time is coming.
Habakkuk 2:3b“…….though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.”
Then Auntie Flow came during the holidays rubbing in the fact that 2012 is gone and it has being twelve months of Little-Red-Riding-Hood visiting even though she’s not welcome.
Fast forward……Holiday over…….. and I had to spend the return leg of my flight with a family of 6 on the same row. The family had 4 kids, (boys and girls), walahi, I don’t know why the devil decided to tempt me so or show me my emptiness? I stared at the kids throughout the flight to the extent that they knew I was staring. I just couldn’t take my eyes off them. It dawned on me why some people steal babies, I almost asked the father to dash me one of his children. How can one person have 4 children and here I am asking for 1 child? This life is surely not fair. I was hurting during that trip so much I could only ask God for grace to start the New Year believing him for my own miracle. At immigration, I almost buckled under the hurt. I had to tell myself to chin up….it’s just the beginning of the year and God has just started with me.
Hubby has been so supportive through these years. He has never ruffled my nest regarding our TTC, he’s being my pillar. I wish it was in my hands, to give life, to cause conception to occur, to carry to term and bring forth.  I know he would glow brighter when we finally bring forth our own children. I desire to give him his own child, his own flesh and blood.
I shouldn’t even start thinking of the fact that my body is aging….. there’s so much a girl can take……… hmmmm…..It is well.

22 comments:

  1. wish i knew what to say to make you feel better.

    I'm really short of words cuz i can't even say i know how it feels.

    I can only pray that the Lord strengthens you and show his mercies and kindness to you.

    Hugs

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  2. It is natural to feel the way you do. I thought of just saying something encouraging after reading the post, but, not with these watery eyes.
    It is Ok and natural to be angry, scream, cry and do whatever but God will do it when he will.

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  3. so sorry to read about your pain....i wish i had the right words to say...
    all i can say is hang in there...when all things fail ...try praise....
    it is well with you
    hugssss

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  4. Blessings.....
    This too shall pass, till then be patient and nurturing to yourself and remember through it all though it may feel like it, you are not alone.

    stay blessed.
    peace.
    Rhapsody
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    ReplyDelete
  5. (solovingandcomfortinghug)

    no words sistah,
    no words enough to explain, express and comfort...

    *simplyjoinyouinbelieving*

    (arockinghug)it is going to be well my dear sistah.

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  6. God will give you the grace to be steadfast until He is ready to daze you with his awesomeness *million hugs*

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  7. got teary eyed at "How can one person have 4 children and here I am asking for 1 child?"
    my dear sister, its well okay? like you said your husband keeps saying... things can only get better.*hugs*

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  8. My eyes welled up just reading this... We all need our own story. This is yours and it will have a happy ending. It will!!

    Mscheew... sometimes I just get really angry though but I don't know who to direct my anger at. "All things work together for good to them that love God and to those who are called according to His purpose"... Just believe. Keep believing. Soon... Very soon...

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  9. I really do not have the right words but hang in there sis. God's got you even when it doesn't seem like it

    (((HUGS)))

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  10. hey Dear, i really can relate or could relate or still can in a diffrent way, i had to wait for my first child , and i thought it was gonna be easier for the second time, my boy will be five in feb and i am still waiting, hang in there trials don't last forever , God will perfect all that concerns you...

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  11. Sometimes...its OK to cry...

    No words like most of others have said but I would join you in praying and praising...((Hugs))

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  12. To everyone who dropped a word or just read my post.

    Thank you so much for your comforting words, hugs and care. Thanks for all the prayers as well. I definitely will testify in Jesus name.

    I can't give up on God, I can't . I love you all so much, you are not different from my biological family members...always giving your shoulders to lean and cry on.....

    hugs to everyone

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  13. You cannot give up on Him o, just hold on. I have my days too, and only thank God that it doesn't happen often, and I praise him a lot for our families and especially for Atala.

    ((((HUGS)))

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    Replies
    1. You are so right Myne. It's normal for life's challenges to overwhelm even the strongest at times, but like you have said, thank God for supportive family.

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  15. Awwww, Sykik. *HUGS*HUGS. There are a lot of things that we can never understand. It's okay to get mad at God and ask questions-He can take it. Hang in there my dearest lady, and never forget that no matter our lot in life, we are the apple of His eye and His treasured possessions. This is just a temporary abode, not a permanent one. My heart goes out to you, and my prayers as well.

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  16. There shall be none barren in the land.
    Your babies will come!
    Smile and keep your head up
    Your God is good.

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  17. Hang in there love... hang in there.. remember the song... tried in the fire but coming out cold. God hears your cry... he really does. Please if you and your husband agree on adoption, there is nothing wrong with that too.It isn't selfish because I am sure it is not only to have kids to travel with that you want kids for! you are not giving up on God.. adopting does not mean that you will stop carrying out your wifely duty which would one day result in fruits ;). Be strong

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    Replies
    1. I agree with you. God is working behind the scenes.

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  18. I rarely leave a response, but i did a few searching and wound up here "ONE OF THOSE DAYS".
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  19. Hmmm, Sista! I do not have the right words to comfort you but the God of all comfort sure does! Hang in there,God cares and loves you like crazy!

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