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April 23, 2012

My Five minutes Rant


Let me bare my heart. I rejoice when people get pregnant, have their babies and all that.....eish..... but the truth is, somewhere in my sub consciuous it hurts …..it’s like ..........it brings to light my frailty.
Look at it this way, you and your classmates write an exam and  then when the results are out…… you realise you failed………… yeah, no big deal….you dust yourself up, pick up your books , read and prepare for the exam again but this  time with your juniors………. results are out and you failed again………….. now getting up takes a whole lot of courage,..............however, you keep getting up after each failure .  Now imagine this cycle for six years............. that is 72months of trials.
Yes, I have read and heard all sorts, motivations, not using others as a yard stick bla…….bla bla…………………..God has a perfect timing.  He’s preparing my own Isaac, Samson, Samuel, John the Baptist, Jesus sef…“ For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: Proverbs 24: 16A  
The truth is ………..it still hurts.
Hurting doesn’t mean I don’t have faith in God, it means I have blood flowing in my veins.  I don’t begrudge anyone of their blessings.  Infact, I rejoice with people  because it reaffirms my faith that God is still at work.

Why?  ‘Cos if money can buy it, I should have nothing less than 5 kids now…. Yeah, you read right; 5 kids. At one time, I had 3 fertilised eggs transferred into me ……… had two other procedures…. And I am still without a child.  It sucks.
Phew………… where did all that come from………another birth……….. someone’s wife just had a baby in my unit. And this other lady beside me is preggers, another guy’s wife is due this week….kai, the babies this month can form a basketball team .......God, it can only be you. 
I have prayed, fasted, praised, confessed the word, rolled, jumped, danced, everything you can think of …………..  wait oh…….. no juju or babalawo oh. LOL..... may i never go to the devil to  look for solution in Jesus Name. Amen
“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him”. Job 13:15

 Now I feel good. Unexplained infertility................wetin I buy from your market.................left me oh......... it definitely feels good to get all that out .............


NB: Am not bitter oh............. just had a rush of emotions.........and like I said in the post , i don't wish anyone bad oh...biko ......... this is just my heart in its nakedness. (dunno if you catch my drift sef)

8 comments:

  1. I am very sorry about how you feel but be rest assured it will happen. Do you have an e-mail address? I want to send you some info that might be helpful?

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    1. okay. send mail to sykikblog atgmail.com.
      thanks

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  2. Awwwww

    Its OK to vent out! We all have those moments.

    It is well...

    Trusting God with you that very soon, on this blog...you'll share your testimony of your journey to motherhood!

    Cheers!

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    1. Thanks. It sure feels good letting off steam once in a while. Most times, because you dont want others to see you as a killjoy or bitter person you tend to hold it all in.

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  3. Hi, I just found you via myne whitman's blog. i think i understand how you feel . i'm 33 and i'm not married. I recently found some of my best friends from secondary school and they are all married with kids. It seems sometimes that everyone is married. I went to get gas on Saturday and while waiting for my cylinder to be filled i looked across the there was a wedding reception taking place. i was weak. I've prayed, i've fasted, i've cried and i'm tired. Right now im in a numb place. I'm so so numb that nothing moves me anymore. I'm sick of listening to the older single lady jokes, i'm tired of attending singles programs. I was a good girl growing up, i do not have a spirit husband, i'm a christian, i didnt do shakara for guys, i didnt have unrealistic expectations yet im still here waiting waiting waiting and nothing's happening............. sorry for ranting on ur page. I just read your rant and just wanted to say i understand............ if only Husbands were for sale l.. i would gladly buy.

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    1. awww...it feels so nice to know you understand. I find solace in this bible verse that says "He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end". eccl 3:11

      He knows the end from the beginning, he won't withold any good thing from us, his children. Our season of rejoicing is here.... you will definitely get married and have children....hang on to God....especially when it feels like the hardest thing to do.

      thanks for your visit

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  4. You are Amazing Mzz Sykik.. Trust me, you are... Dance like no one is watching...

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