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July 15, 2013

PARANOIA



Adoption versus IVF
My emotions are swinging like a pendulum
Give the IVF money to God as a faith seed versus hold God to ransom with “if–you-do-this”, “I-will-do-that“line
Forty looks so close, walahi…...Dear God, today, this very minute, please, I don’t want to be part of those women who give birth in their fifties…..don’t think I can wait that long…….
Am I being paranoid that my mother-in-law has a tiny bit of “but” about me?
I know I am not making any effort to go beyond the mother-in-law/ daughter-in-law relationship *bbm guilty face*
Sometimes I am scared shi*t about my marriage, I almost want to tuck my tail in between my legs and run
Nothing is wrong…absolutely nothing…...the truth is things are so good at home I shouldn’t be feeling like this
But, I still feel like crawling into a hole and getting away from everything
Phew…..I am truly Sykik  :)

41 comments:

  1. My dear pls go ahead with the ivf...you should check out the ttc thread on nairaland.com, there is also an ivf/ icsi thread...you have never disclosed on here if and what medical issues you are going through or if it is a male factor problem but stay stong ok.

    Nothing wrong in adoption either but i get the sense you want to have your own biological child...also tbe process of adoption in nigeria is a nghtmare....

    May God lead you aright

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    1. Thank you so much for your concern, I follow the nairaland thread you mentioned, I have learnt some tips from there.. Medical diagnosis hasn't been able to pin point anything wrong so it's termed unexplained infertility...it is well.

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  2. I wish I knew the right words to say. I wish I even know why God allows waiting mother experience different levels of waiting before he steps in. Furthermore, I wish we could see the end from the beginning. Please do the IVF in my opinion. I know its expensive but if you can do it, just do it. Who knows?
    About adoption, I have nothing against it but I understand when people say they would like to also have their own biological children. If your husband isn't again it then you can also go the adoption route.
    *sigh* Its just that no one can question God....Kabi o osi, else, I have millions of questions for him.
    God be with you and your family.
    Be joyous in the fact that all is well at home and don't let depression, thinking, etc come in. Those are not part of the fruits of the spirit. As long as you know you have the holy spirit please try and avoid being sad and all.
    *biggest hug ever*

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    1. Am hugging you right back, dearie.....I poured my heart out on this page so that I can put off the depression and unnecessary thinking ni jare....I feel good now that its all off my chest.

      I am so scared of the IVF thingy because I have been that route plenty times , am just scared because it can be emotionally draining and don't think I got over the last one I did...babe, three eggs and not one stayed...my heart broke a million times ^3 .....don't know if I am ever going to be ready for it...though what has to be done has to be done abi....so maybe I should just stop being a chicken and face my option.

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    2. Pls try again.....as youv seen on the thread some women had to go through ivf as much as 4/5 times to vet a bfp...

      You can also try ivf with pgd and see


      Good luck and hugs...its a hard journey

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    3. Thanks dearie....thank you so much for the encouragement...lemme start psyching myself up

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  3. Blessings...

    Before the truly freak out (i can read you are almost there) there are a few steps you and your husband must take.

    It is always assumed that the woman is the cause and that is not always true.

    So the first step is for you and your husband to get medically checked out (preferably by a fertility specialist) to make sure everything is in order for both of you (we often take it for granted and assume all is well and it would happen automatically mean while time is working against us).

    Yes your husband need to be checked as well because some men can have trouble like women i.e. his sperm count to ensure they are high and fertile.

    Society puts a lot of pressure on women to produce and neglect to consider that the problem may lie with the man and not the woman, so its important to include the man in the process. It literally takes two.

    Once that step is taken then you will know where to go from there.

    In life the challenge of fertility is high and especially so for women as they age because they are losing eggs every month however it is not impossible and God in his infinite wisdom has provided options such as adoption, surrogacy, and IVF.

    Hope that helps?
    Have a blessed day.

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  4. My dear, I honestly work hard not to feel the but... I look instead at all my blessings and thank God. I will also suggest another IVF, as you have had eggs before. Keep holding on, we shall laugh some day soon :)

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    1. I guess feeling the "but" also makes me feel bad....truly there's so much to be thankful for.....I will seriously start prepping'yself for another round of IVF, even my Gynea has said I should try it again.

      We will definitely laugh some day soon...God is preparing us for a miracle.

      Hugs

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  5. Sykik. Is this you or someone else? You are actually married??? If yes, I will pray for you.

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    1. For real? Is this your first time on this blog?

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    2. @ilola, yes I am married oh, to the best Hubby in the world...and yeah, your prayers would be appreciated . Thank you.

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  6. Thoughts...prayers...hugs...more prayers.

    You will laugh, and very soon too.

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    1. I am smiling ....that means laughter is so near...thanks so much...hugging you right back

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  7. No words today, just a million hugs for you Sykik

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    1. My sweet toyin-tomato......am hugging you right back....I feel so loved....would have been blushing if not that I am dark skinned.

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  8. Like Toin, I am bereft of words. I'm just entrusting you into God's everlasting arms. He knows. (((Hugs, hugs))).

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    1. Yay....my own super role model is back in the building...

      Thank you..bear hugs

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  9. ................sometimes I'm lost of the right words to say when I face such raw-honest emotion......I..{{{HUGSING YOU}}}}}}

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    1. Mama, thank you so much....I am blessed to have you all holding me up.

      God bless

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    2. I haven't followed your story but i can tell you this, God gives blessings through IVF. I have an adorable blessing from IVF and a natural miracle after that. Go for it if you haven't heard otherwise from God. May you be blessed. It's a tough road to walk. Big hugs

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    3. Thank you so much....hugging you right back

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  10. Sykik darling, we will celebrate with you soon. Just stay strong and never give up.

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    1. My dear, a big amen to your prayer

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  11. Hi Sykik it is well with you dearie.i am commenting as anonymous this time.i live in the uk and was trying for less than 2 years but its not a good place to be. We saw doctors here and I was told I have PCOS,blocked tubes,2 big fibroids and do not ovulate.my hubs also had low motility very low and poor morphology 1 percent and that its impossible to get pregnant cept thru ICSI and we were referred and I have to remove the fibroids before ICSI.the letter hasn't arrived and I am pregnant.God used a Nigerian doctor visiting the UK for us.we took all our results to him and he recommended some drugs for both us and on the second cycle we got pregnant.hes in lagos if you won't mind his contact.GOd has used him for so many colleagues that were waiting on God when I was in naija and that's how I was referred to him.My dear with God all things are possible,we used the drugs whilst praying too cos we were told his morphology was really bad and that the sperm couldn't swim to meet the eggs and even ny two tubes were blocked and I wasn't ovulating too and I believe there is nothing too hard for God.our case was bad cos we were told only ICSI could work for us as hey have to select the sperm cos of poor morphology and inject into the egg but that wasn't necessary in the long run.pardon my typing and punctuation dearie.u can comment back If you want the contact and I won't mind giving you his details.you may not even need he iVF.take care.hugs and kisses

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    1. Bless you sweetheart.send a mail to sykikblog at gmail dot com.

      Congrats on your testimony. God shows up at the right time, he's never late.

      Bear hugs

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  12. my prayer is that God will perfect ALL that concerns you and your hubby.. hugs!!

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  13. God be with you. I just said a prayer for you. Indeed nobody can question God, but one thing we know as christians is that he makes all things beautiful. God bless you and your family.

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    1. It's so kind of you...and a big fat Amen to your prayers....

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  14. Its a tough situation to be in and the devil will do his best to rough still waters and put doubt in your mind. even like you say, when things are going well at home.. he will still try to make you feel unsure about yourself. Please don't give him the pelasure of indulging. If you and your husband decide on either ivf or adoption, then go for it. it doesn't stop God from doing what he wants to do. But don't stop hoping, having faith.. but try to repalce the negatives with positive thoughts. i will see if i can find your email on your blog and will send you an email later.

    love Angel. x

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    1. Thank you for the encouraging words....

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  15. Sykik dear,

    I wish I had the right words or combination of words to say to you now... but words fail me. One thing I can imagine now is the joy you will radiate when that day comes.... and it is closer than you think.

    Lots of hugssss

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    1. Where have you been? I have missed you.

      Thanks

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    2. I am back dearrie, and I hope this time it is for good! Lollzz.

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    3. Bear hugs, welcome back.

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  16. From what i've heard, IVF is such a painful and frustrating process. my heart goes out to you whatever your decision

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  17. I just prayed for you and I will continue to pray for you by the grace of God. Your children are on their way.

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  18. Hey hon.... no words..... i understand only a fraction of what you are feeling...this too shall pass (big hug)

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  19. Isn't it amazing that your prayers have been answered and now you have a baby.
    Waoh! God is good.

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