I cracked...........I cried.........I can’t even begin to explain where the tears came from..........here I was one minute, blowing hot, confessing and pulling down the strongholds of the devil and “puff”, it was all gone, I felt naked, I felt lonely, I ached so bad, I wondered where God was, what God demands is faith as tiny as a mustard seed, my faith was much more than that, my mustard tree was growing into a big tree, I have been watering it these past years ....... but my physical body was yielding...............Aunty Flo was in the building .......I wanted to give up..... I feel like a student who keeps failing her exams, why do I keep having this monthly expectation, only to have my hope dashed, when I can just stop hoping ......and save myself from re-living this monthly ache.
Lo and behold,
My Spirit man: “Sykik, God has declared that none shall be barren in the land, his word says children are a heritage from the Lord and the fruit of the womb is a reward”.....
My Body: Yes I know, but it is heart wrenching to want something so badly, yet you can’t have it......I certainly do know that if it was within Papa Sykik and Hubby’s control, tey-tey, they would have given it to me without a second thought.
My spirit Man: Sykik, where’s the pity party coming from, shey you want to rent canopy and do crying party ni?...... babe, clean your eyes and look the devil in the face, speak the living word, remember you shut the door on him, do you want him to sneak in again.
My Body: Ok oh, I “haff” hear I have wiped my eyes; I am sure tired of repeating this class sha....
The storm is over. I refuse to give up on God because he hasn’t given up on me.
Exodus 23:26 there shall nothing cast their young, nor be barren, in thy land: the number of thy days I will fulfil.
Psalm 127:3 Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.
PS: shout out to everone of you for always visiting and reading my posts, ........I hope I haven’t bored you all crazy with my TTC tales...no vex, biko, writing is therapeutic for me....I find solace in putting my thoughts into words.