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November 15, 2012

APROKO LEVELS

I work with one of the leading banks in Nigeria. Most of the ladies in my office (head office) are on another forming level, the “forming” no get part 2.
However, the bathroom (restroom) in the building is a funny place. It is a very large room and very clean and well kept. The cleaners eat there sef…me casin’t fit oh. …. In the mornings, it’s a competition of the “who can apply the best make-up”. It’s so bad that someone like me don’t dare go to the rest room before 11am, reasons because I don’t do make-up and I feel intimidated when I see all colours of the rainbow in display and also there’s no space for movement.

Now, in the afternoons, it’s another ball game entirely. This is the time when you can hear different telephone conversations

Scenario 1
Colleague on the phone (crying): Mummy, help me talk to him. He should please be careful so he doesn’t come home with sexual disease. He’s too randy, even the house help isn’t spared

Scenario 2
Female Colleague on the phone (trying so hard not to shout): Emeka, send money home, even if it is N20,000 so we can buy drinking water…what is it….yesterday I was at Shoprite (a shopping mall in Lekki, Lagos) to buy groceries and other household items, why are you like this…no money…yet you are flying business class…why can’t you fly economy….when was the last time you bought anything for the house.

The person on the other end says something….

Female Colleague on the phone: It’s a lie; I am tired of bearing the expenses….you could have taken a bus, why are you flying when there’s no money… You are the man in this house. Why am I the bread winner…….even if it is N10,000, Emeka bring money home, I say bring money home.

Abeg, this is where my “wee-wee” finish and I had to leave the restroom before my “amebo” get me into trouble.

Oh I almost forgot.

There was another lady who was praying and speaking in tongues in another toilet closet

Scenario 3
Female Colleague: Holy Ghost, Father, rakakakasisisitetetesisisi, yes, yes, the promotion is mine. I decree your word; this December will not pass me by in Jesus Name………

42 comments:

  1. Lol!!!!..thats some seriously funny stuff...if they catch you eh?

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    1. My dear, that's why I quickly left the place oh...lol...i no get liver.....

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  2. That office is a comedy zone. I love dem ladies there.

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    1. I have heard some strange things in that restroom ehn.... na make-up dey cover the issues of some ladies jare.

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  3. Hahahahaha, Emeka bring money home even if it's N10,000. Lmao this is so funny! The promotion is whose?? Lol!!! So funny!

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    1. Dearie, I was choking with laughter sotay I knew I had to leave before someone "dash me slap". I pray Emeka brings money home.

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  4. LMAO! You should have titled this 'toilet convos'

    The things women do in the restroom...Ive always wondered what they are...this is funny

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    1. Bros, pls don't wonder too much oh....if I continue with some of the convos I have heard ehn..

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  5. eyah! most ladies are facing serious problems o. You sef eh if them catch you, na only Baba God go save you. lol...

    Na wa for the tongue speaking lady o, hehehe if na tongues dey give promotion, some of us for be managing directors long time ago. lol
    Have a blessed weekend dear.

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    1. lol...am telling you, if na tongues, some of us for don become Group MD sef.... I guess she is falling back on the scriptures that says promotion comes from God.



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  6. Lmaooo *almost choking* Choi, people are looking at me already. Your office is crazy.

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    1. ...and to think of the forming level, u won't believe what my ears have heard

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  7. lol!
    Everyone with their issues
    after the forming levels.
    i don't do private convos at the office sha!

    About the makeup thingy, don't do competition makeup
    Nothing wrong with some lip stick and eyeliner and a
    little powder, do your thang!

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    Replies
    1. yes oh. everyone with their issues. Nothing wrong with lip stick and powder jare but that one na beginner level for this my office.

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  8. ahahaahhahahahahaaa.....got to show all the glitters is not gold. Everybody has an issue, so whosoever envies them are wasting their time o jare.
    What annoys me is that when you hear sure babes talking outside, it is as if sugar cannot melt in their mouth!
    Am not a make-up person also...only when i am going for an outing, i use mascara and eyebrow pencil.
    As for the prayer warrior....hmmm...the bible says closet but she improvised with toilet....claiming promotion in the public place is not advisable oo....such prayers are for in the privacy of her room.
    My hubby also works in a high-brow bank and my ear dey full with tori!..ahahahaha

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    1. True talk . Some ladies behave as though they don't poo.
      "The grass is always greener in the neighbour's garden"... I have learnt never to envy others. I am good enough.
      Thanks for always coming around "my yard"

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  9. meant..that glitter
    meant such babes talk
    sorry for the typos :)

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  10. LOL this is funny! @ Scenario 1.. all i could say was yekpa.. why are people talking their business in public like this! LOL as for the prayer.. lol no comment. May God answer her prayer.. lol mehnnn!

    There is no signal in my toilet at work! I used to complain about that but i am grateful now! lol

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    1. I think the confine of the closets make them think that their voices aren’t loud or gives them the anonymous feeling.

      Hope you enjoyed your birthday, I still haven't gotten my cake oh.

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  11. lol...you are not suppose to come out till the person leaves nau..they will see u and know u heard them....

    this was funny..lol

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    1. they can't see me because the toilets are partioned... there's a common area sha. That's why i had to leave before we "jam" ourselves in the common area.

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  12. Too too funny
    I almost choked here.
    Please drink lots of water so you are constantly visiting the toilet....LOL
    I need more of this type of gist in my life oh
    xxxxxxxxxx

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  13. First time on your blog, was feeling sleepy in the officebut mehnnnn,u gat me laughing. Na sooooo. Ontop all the packaging, May God grant them their hearts desires ohh, we are all going through something.

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  14. Very hilarious post, but my sister, sometimes, there is a way that the problems of life will hit you so much that you do not remember where you are, you just have to let off steam and vent, hahahahaha. I had an incident recently-visit my blog by tomorrow for the full gist, lol, and until I burst into tears on the road as I was speaking on phone, I could not believe myself! Usually, I am madam calm, cool, composed, and together, but that that day, i scattered, o. However, I do not 'form o' I'm myself any time, any day. So, to an extent, I do not blame those people.

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    1. I want to be like you "when I grow up". I wish I can call myself "mrs cool, calm and collected" when I am pissed.

      I am off to your blog to read about this mighty incident...

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  15. Lol...Na real aproko no be small, hahaha!!!

    But kai, I kindda feel for these ladies o, especially the first and second, e don hook them so tey them no send who dey hear again...

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    1. my dear, that's it . The matter really hook them

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  16. Muhaahaahahaaaa, I'm actually laughing out loud

    Funny but deep sad stuffs. Someone should give us an idea of what the male toilet looks like...lol

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    1. true talk, let someone tell us what goes on in the male toilet .lol...i can only imagine

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  17. LOOOOOOLLLL!!! Don't kill me with laughter. I pray in the toilet too jo. LOL!! I know what you mean about makeup sha. Are u sure we don't work in the same bank?? Hmmm... Don't ask me I won't tell you!

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  18. henhen, dendenden, i will tell everyone for you that it was madam mstizzle that was praying in the toilet...lol... you berra start begging me now.

    I don't mind praying in the toilet jare. I do it too but not as praying loud sha. After all God is everywhere, toilet inclusive

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  19. LOL!!! this postw as too hilarious. Certainly made me chuckle. Like others have said, people may be going through stuff and will usually forget where they are and vent out before even realizing that others may have likely overheard them.

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    1. They obviously forgot that the walls have ears.

      How are you doing?

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  21. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah goddamnbullshit.. I started making love to your blog, and I have been reading from 2008 posts till now.. My You are Epic.. aswear... mehn!!! hehehehehehe @ Flying Business class.. lmao! No be small take a bus oh! Mehn Mzz Sykik, GOD bless the day I met you aswear.. You are amazeballss.. its never and i mean Never!! a dull moment here.. Chisos! lmao hhahahahahahah Oya Bye bey. :)

    P.S: I have a feeling I have seen you in real life before.. I doubt it though, but i just have that feeling.. and my guts never lie. :) xx

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeeepa, abeg oh..... met ke, that will be weird oh.....

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  22. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah goddamnbullshit.. I started making love to your blog, and I have been reading from 2008 posts till now.. My You are Epic.. aswear... mehn!!! hehehehehehe @ Flying Business class.. lmao! No be small take a bus oh! Mehn Mzz Sykik, GOD bless the day I met you aswear.. You are amazeballss.. its never and i mean Never!! a dull moment here.. Chisos! lmao hhahahahahahah Oya Bye bey. :)

    P.S: I have a feeling I have seen you in real life before.. I doubt it though, but i just have that feeling.. and my guts never lie. :) xx

    ReplyDelete

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